Archives for May 2015

Friends send me various humorous lists in email. Sometimes I find them worth sharing.

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1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”
(don’t even go there with me – Lin)

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
(explain this one to certain computer game companies – Lin)

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
(yes, I can, see below – Lin)

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
(My boyfriend made a big deal out of my 21st birthday; he could now take me to places that were formerly off limits. This was not an improvement. This may be why he became an ex. – Lin)

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

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Daylight Savings Time conundrum. — If the clock time stays the same, as the sun rises earlier and earlier, you’re now sleeping thru one or more hours of sunlight. If the clock time is pushed back, you are now not sleeping through at least one hour of that sunlight. It’s now tucked in at the end of the day, when you’re awake and can use it for something productive.

This is, of course, for those whose normal hours are daytime hours. For swingshift or graveyard, your mileage will vary. Or for those who think sleeping is productive. But now you know.